


You Had It Worse

by quietdetective



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Actual comfort, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, John having no clue what helps him calm down, M/M, Mental Illnesses, Mild Angst, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, They both are fucked up cause of the game, but john feels dave had it a lot worse and hid how much he was hurting, dave and john both probably have ptsd, dave comforting john cause i never ever find it, dave trying to comfort, john is autistic, meltdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 08:41:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6511009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietdetective/pseuds/quietdetective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave was sure he was hiding something. John had such heavy eye bags that you'd think he was going on holiday or something soon. He chose not to press cause John would ask for help if he needed it right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Had It Worse

One two three

Calm down it was just a nightmare. Or a night terror. It doesn't matter, it was fake. Fake as the night before's nightmare and the one before that and the night before that. You need to calm down or else Dave will hear you and you can't let that happen. 

Dave is fast asleep beside you. You're glad, he doesn't need to deal with your bullshit at 3am. You should be helping him deal with his own helping bullshit cause it was way too much for anyone to handle. You can handle night terrors and the thoughts and everything else. Dave was the one who needed help. He had way more dead versions of himself from the game than you did, thousands more probably. He needed your help, not your bullshit. 

You freeze when you feel Dave shifting, holding your breath so you don't let out a gross, loud sob. You have never been happier that Dave slept so heavily. He needed sleep, even though every morning he questioned the bags under your own eyes when he hadn't woken up at all. 

Four five six  
Dave didn't need you anymore. He stopped having nightmares but e still chose to sleep with you. You found it a comfort, but it also made you feel terribly alone. You still drew on your walls but you lied and said you must do it in your sleep and no you weren't having bad dreams anymore. You wouldn't consider them bad dreams, they were horrible dreams. You dont think Dave believes you. 

He tries to stay up with you some nights but ultimately always falls asleep. sometimes you sleep too but wake up standing on your bed, marker in hand and drawing and writing. He rarely woke up when you did this. If he did he would try and comfort you but had no clue how. It was okay. You take care of him and that was how it was supposed to go. 

Seven eight nine. 

You are locked in your washroom. Dave just confronted you, asking why you wouldn't tell him when you felt so horrible, when you were having nightmares (night terrors he called them) and when you were up so late at night trying to stop yourself from sobbing loudly from all the memories of dying. He asked why you never woke him up or tried to ask for help. He stopped ranting and looked at you when he realized you were covering your mouth to keep from crying too loud. When he tried to get closer to you, you ran to the washroom and locked the door, sliding against it so you would know if he tried to open it. 

Now you were here. You quietly sobbed and tried to calm down. You were fine. You were completely fine. You're supposed to help Dave, not the other way around. Dave needs to focus on Dave and not on you. He was doing so well, not having so many nightmares and talking to you about the memories and just getting help. Now you probably ruined it all cause you didn't realize how loud you were last night and how Dave pretended to sleep until he had enough. 

A quiet knock on the door. It repeated. You cover your ears, not even liking the little noise. You don't want this. You want to rewind time and force yourself to be quiet so you don't wake up Dave and make him worry about you even more. 

"John. Can you open up please?" Dave said through the door. You knew it's supposed to be comforting, but it isn't really. None the less you unlock the door and stooch away from it so it won't hit you. Dave slowly opened the door and saw you on the floor. He closed it again and sat down, looking at you with his red eyes. Your blue ones were probably shining with tears and bloodshot from crying so much. You probably looked like a mess but Dave only looked at you with love and overwhelming concern. 

You look away. He shouldn't look at you like that. He shouldn't be worrying about you. You could handle the memories of dying and seeing all your friends die before your eyes. Dave probably saw it way more. You shouldn't be crying over this when Dave had it so much worse. 

"Please. Tell me what's wrong. Is some dick trying to hurt you or calling you down or anythin'? If they are tell me and I'll make sure they don't hurt you anymore." You sniffle and try to curl more into yourself. Dave shouldn't be worrying. 

"'M fine. 'M just being stupid and weak and-"

"Hey don't start that with me. You aren't crying over nothing, and if you were it doesn't make you stupid and it doesn't make you weak." 

"...'m having really bad memories. Being killed and seeing yo-you all die! And i-i c-cant do any-anything to save you!"

"That doesn't sound like a stupid or weak thing to cry over-"

"I shouldn't be! You hardly-hardly cried when you were having nightmares every night! I shouldn't be crying when you had it so much worse-" You have to stop cause you started crying too hard and can barely breathe. 

"Hey-hey calm down. It's okay." Dave hesitates before pulling you close and holding you, kissing your face and trying to help wipe away the tears. "Just cause I died a lot and had hellasous nightmares doesn't mean you can't have them and talk to me as well. 

"Still! I have to help you! You ha-have to deal with so much more than me! I'm just being dumb-" You have to stop again, feeling how short your breaths were and just how lightheaded you feel. 

Dave tried his hardest to help calm you down, staying close and holding onto you, giving soft kisses and wiping the tears away. You can't help but to cry more, shaking your head and trying to deny his words. No. you have to be the strong one cause Dave was still hurting and he needed way more help than you. You're just being stupid and weak and selfish. 

"Hey no. You aren't. You're having normal emotions and I should be the one apologizing for not noticing sooner. You need support and help and I didn't even realize" Dave's voice startled you, making you realize you weren't just thinking it and were actually talking out loud. Dave refused to leave you. He wanted to leave for a bit to get you your bunny Liv Tyler, but decided not to. You tried to get him to leave, pushing him away and screaming at him briefly. 

"Hey. Shhh. Calm down. John you have to breathe." He stopped, looking at you before he sat beside you and pulled you into his lap. It must not have been comfortable, as you were heavy and it was a hard floor. He refused to let you go though. "I'll stay here." And he did. He held you and wiped your tears and listened to you rant and try to insult him so he would leave you alone and realize you don't deserve him. 

Not soon, but you started to calm down, feeling exhausted from crying so much and trying to push and scream at Dave to leave cause he shouldn't see you like this. So broken and not the friendleader you should be. 

"Can you tell me next time you feel like this? I want to help you like you've helped me since we left the game" Dave said once your breathing levelled out and you go lax in his arms. "I don't want you to be trying to smother your sobbing in your hands or in pillows late at night trying to keep me from hearing. Do you really think I wouldn't want to help you? John i care so much about you. You've helped me a lot and I wanna return the favour-"

"You shouldn't have to. You saved my ass too much in the game and risked you life so much already-" 

"Hey. No talking right now. John. You mean so much to me. I don't wanna know you are hurting and trying to cover it Up just so you cna help others. I know it is the natural Egberty way but not anymore. You need to start asking for help. Even going 'hey dave i feel like total shit right now can we not go to the movies' would be enough. Please just let me try and help" 

You feel some tears slid down your cheeks and you adjust a bit in his lap. He tried to hold you down but soon realized you weren't trying to escape, you just wanted a hug and to properly sit on him.

Ten. 

Dave was laying with you, facing you and holding you close as you cried into his chest. He was talking in a quiet voice, trying to help get you out of the nightmare and realize you are completely safe and okay in his arms. 

It took a while for you both to get here. Dave already had a suspicion you were lying about your night terrors and the drawings, but he also learnt how to help and care for you when you got like that. He learned not to disrupt you when you were drawing, cause apparently the night you remembered one timeline where LOWAS blew up with you on it was one where he woke you up. You remembered a lot more when you were woken than when you naturally woke up with pen in hand. 

You learned how to ask for help, and what was helpful and what was not when you were in panic mode or having a meltdown. It took a while and you still are awkward, but you learnt how to ask and how to help Dave know what to do when you were in panic mode. 

You both took time to learn how to communicate properly, how to ask and where boundaries were when one of you were in panic mode or just generally feeling like ass. 

Dave was kind and sweet, while still a major douchebag. He had to learn not to treat you like fragile glass after your initial breakdown in front of him. He wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap and keep you locked up but he realized it wouldn't really help. So he had to get it into his head that while you were still hurting and everything, it helped being treated normally. 

You feel your breathes start to even out and Dave's arms loosen ever so lightly around you. You feel his lips press against your forehead and giving you a tiny smile and telling you you were good enough. You give him a very soft smile before slowly fallen asleep in his arms, not having another dream for the rest of the night.


End file.
